Buckshot Vibe

Candles and Oils

Out with some friends the other day and stopped at one of these smoothie places (the ones where they put the powders and proteins in everything).  And since I don’t drink that stuff I just looked around this store which for some reason had a bunch of giant shelves full of random crap.

The guy working behind the counter then tells me that one of these shevles contains a bunch of sex products (weird for a juice store I know).  And then he starts telling me that they sell a candle whose wax turns into massage oil as it melts.  “Girls love it” he said. 

But honestly, what good is this product going to do for me.  It’s not like I’m getting women back to my place and then losing them because I don’t have theatrical message oils.

Show me a candle I can light while out on the sidewalk and use to lure women back to my place and then you may have found yourself a customer. 

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

A group of doctors are attempting to revolutionize surgical procedures by using the body’s own openings rather than cutting through the skin.  They don’t have a name for it yet but… going in through any hole available?  Sounds like the Paris Hilton method to me.

A News Article…

MOTHER FED UP WITH CHILD WHO WON’T

EAT ANYTHING

     PARAMUS, NJ – Mother of three, Wendy Stearns, reached her wits end on Friday at her neighborhood Applebee’s when her youngest child James, 4, refused to eat anything.

     “I really felt for her,” said waitress Kim Hubbard who waited on Stearns and her three children.  “The other two kids were great.  They cleaned their plates.  But that little one… my God… he wouldn’t eat a thing.”

     Stearns apologized to the waitress and said she hoped the cooks wouldn’t be offended.  “The chicken fingers looked delicious.  In fact they were delicious.  I tried one!” fumed Stearns.  “He just won’t eat anything.  I offered him French fries, a sundae, even a super sampler.  What kid doesn’t want a super sampler?!  But he won’t eat.”

     Despite her best efforts, Stearns was unable to convince her son to take food and much to the dismay of dining onlookers, was ultimately forced to allow the child’s plate to be cleared, still untouched.  Stearns was so upset by the incident that when asked if she’d like the chicken fingers wrapped up she could barely compose herself long enough to respond, “What’s the point?”

     The child’s father wasn’t present for the meal in question but says he is all too familiar with his son’s culinary stubbornness.  “He does the same thing every night,” explained the father.  “And it’s not that he isn’t hungry.  I think he just likes being a jerk.”

     Applebee’s said that although the incident was indeed unfortunate, they have no plans to change their chicken fingers to appeal to difficult children.  “We can’t succumb to that type of pressure,” said Applebee’s manager Bill Tomkins.  “If we change our recipe then the little brats win.”     

Advice for Inventors…

Those plastic toilet seat covers are a good idea but plastic urinal covers are not.  I know it seems like a good idea to cover up a dirty urinal for clean peeing but the wet shoes aren’t worth the aggravation.

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

The widow of Hollywood mogul Aaron Spelling has put their Beverly Hills mansion on the market for $150 million.  In unrelated news AIG petitioned the government for another $150 million in bailout money to buy a really cool new clubhouse.

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

Gmail is testing a new feature that will allow users to “unsend” a potentially embarrassing email for up to five seconds after sending.  The new feature is already popular with White House aides who are now requiring President Obama to email all Special Olympics jokes.

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

Rapper TI was sentenced to a year and one day in prison for his conviction on weapons charges.  Why the extra day?  The judge wanted to make sure he had a chance to celebrate his anniversary as a prison wife.

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

Apparently it cost Britney Spears $417,000 in legal fees to end her marriage to Kevin Federline… which is funny considering that it only cost her $27 in peach schnapps to begin her marriage to Kevin Federline.

Late Night Style Joke of the Day

Doctors are saying that vasectomies are on the rise as a result of the economic crisis. I guess it just goes to show you that in this economy, people would rather cut off their balls than continue to get kicked in them.